Dark side of the Ninth: An astrological perspective

So. I promised you my dark side and I'm about to keep that promise.

Be warned, if you've enjoyed this blog thus far and built up an agreeable persona to go with it, you may rather dislike what follows. If so, I invite you to skip this post.

Alternatively you may decide to plunge ahead, after which you might shrug and say, "No big deal". Depends on what you consider 'dark' I guess.

Either way, to balance things out, I promise to cover my not-so-dark side in the subsequent post. Okay?

So, here we go:

Firstly, there's that terrible, terrible temper due to my Moon-Mars. To be precise, an out of sign conjunction with the Moon in Capricorn and Mars in Aquarius.

That Moon-Mars is squared by Uranus in Scorpio, and trine Lord of the Dead Pluto. What that amounts to is incredible volatility and touchiness and taking-offense-iveness, while keeping it all inside, super-human-ly under wraps until... someone pushes me just that little bit too much and...

.... KA-BOOOOOM !!!....

Not pretty. Not at all.

Then there's that Cappie moon. Can we say uber-ambitious? We can.

Super-ambitious, super-competitive, super-calculating, super-prestige-and-status-loving. Conjunct Mars, this driven Moon is never satisfied with my paltry mundane accomplishments.

It will only shut up if I earn some worldly distinction, or, better yet, build something that garners respect(ability) in society and outlives me. A visible legacy in other words.

And it's very jealous of threats to anything it considers its own: people, accomplishments, specialist knowledge; all professional or romantic 'assets' or advantages are always under heavy scrutiny, surveillance and security. It does not like to share.

Moon in Cap is also pessimistic as hell, and cautious to boot. No risk-taking here (though that Mars-Uranus square is dying for it). Only the bleakest views of the future are plausible or worth entertaining. And the sky's STILL going to fall on my head, dammit, no matter how well I prepare for disaster.

This same Moon, together with Saturn in Cancer make for a timorous combination. For all the fire-breathing tendencies on the one hand, on the other, there's a pathetic 'poor me' complex, with a generous lashing of victimhood, paranoia and infantile, don't-make-me-grow-up-ness.

Emotions with this Moon and this Saturn are a big no-no. If you're close to me and want to have a huge emotional meltdown in my presence, you will swiftly discover I've checked out. I hate drama (including my own). I hate those messy, messy "what are you feeling?" conversations.

Also, this Saturn remembers wounds and betrayals forever, whether I've forgiven the culpable party (which is often myself) or not.

Now I think about it, it's not much good at forgiving either. Lose my trust or betray me, and I'll either simply disappear from your life, or you'll be talking to a cold, polite cipher from here on out.

Further, this Saturn is squared by Pluto and also by Venus. Saturn-Pluto makes me absolutely ruthless at times. Saturn-Venus makes me a kill-joy partypooper at others. I'm not proud of it, but I don't really suffer excesses, indulgences, inadequacies, weaknesses, defeats or setbacks very well. First and foremost in myself.

At times when I've felt threatened or overwhelmed by adversaries or my back's been against the wall, that Saturn-Pluto has turned me into something of a Genghis Khan in terms of the sheer desire to annihilate threats and enemies.

When I'm that desperate, I'll charge an elephant, a bus, or a whole g-ddamn platoon. I'm actually really scared of the impetus toward violence that lies coiled within me, awakened at times of incredible duress. Violence and revenge. In my moments of true despair, I thirst for revenge on those who've hurt my heart. People I've loved who've seen fit to push me away.

More darkness?

Well, Pluto opposes my Venus-Chiron, so no matter how much I've battled against it, thus far my closest relationships have been fraught with power struggles. And I hate it. I hate the terror of rejection turning into covert or open attempts to control the very people I love.

To be fair, there's been a goodly amount of suffering on my part by loved ones controlling me - but this is just a mirror of my own repressed possessiveness, aggression and fear.

Finally, if there were ever a Pisces Sun-Jupiter with a Saviour/Chosen One complex, it is I, with this inclination amplified by an even more self-deluding Neptune squaring my Sun from the fourth house.

To whit, I have struggled with spiritual self-righteousness and pomposity all my life, not to mention the effortless ability to harshly judge others (and myself), courtesy of my Virgo-rising.

That's pretty much everything I can think of - or at least the highlights of the grand labyrinth that is my inner darkness. Not a lot to recommend itself so far, eh?

I understand.

But if you haven't decided I'm the devil incarnate and are willing to return for my next post, I promise you there's another, less off-putting side of the Ninth, too. Stay tuned.

[UPDATE: the follow-up, companion post is here.]

The image above was taken from this site.