Venus-Chiron in the Eighth, or naked on love's threshing floor

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh,

but not all of your laughter,

and weep, but not all of your tears.

~ From The Prophet by Khalil Gibran

The position of Venus in the natal chart, together with the aspects it makes to other celestial bodies, offer a snapshot of the native's relationship patterns, as well as insight into their self-love and self-worth.

Or lack thereof.

As Saturn prepares to move into Libra again later this month, relationships and how we tackle them are once more to be highlighted.

If we have been less than able to maintain healthy one-on-one boundaries in the past, or placed unrealistic expectations on significant others, if our personal ties have been power struggles, breeding grounds for resentment or generally a vale of tears, this transit of Saturn, which will last till October 2012, is a window of opportunity to revisit, shed or refine such patterns.

No less for myself, as I continue to be single, and weigh up the cost of ever being partnered again.

With my natal Sun in the Seventh House of partnerships, ties to a significant other are always of major importance. But I must confess that, a year on from my last break-up, there are definite benefits to being solo.

For one thing, there's a welcome lack of having to compromise on important personal interests and activities which the other may have little time (or respect) for. A blissful ease in not having to expend effort and take on the stress of defending positions - intellectual, spiritual or ideological - which clash with the 'beloved's' own.

Plus you never have to worry about your future in-laws, or feel bad that your sleeping patterns are a less-than-perfect match to your partner's. Or that they earn more/less than you do.

However.

As someone whose natal Venus is conjunct Chiron in the Eighth House, despite the pain (Chiron) associated with relationships, and the feeling always of having to earn, or be 'good enough' for love (Venus square Saturn) or the constant anxiety of being annihilated by the beloved's possible rejection (Venus-Chiron opposite Pluto), there is a certain raw quality of longing, that I wouldn't exchange for any amount of suffering.

Yes, in my case, there is an exaggerated romanticism involved (read about the mixed blessing of Venus trine Neptune here), but the transforming depths (Eighth House) of the longing to merge with the beloved, that passionate yearning for total union, the unrelenting need for love, albeit one that brings with it profound wounding (Chiron) - which ultimately brings the cool relief of wisdom - well... it's a dynamic that is ultimately very precious to me.

No one can pine for that union of souls or nurture a divine discontent like a Pisces Sun. Especially one whose Venus-Chiron lie in the mysterious Eighth.




A modified version of the image above was originally taken from this site.

Chiron matters, or why the painkillers don't work

And so it was that Ninth, on a tender spring night, sat musing on his natal Chiron in Aries.

The one mashed up against his birth Venus, also in Aries, the two of them trapped in the depths of the Eighth House. Opposite Libra Pluto in the Second.

Ninth reflected that the ache from his wound-that-did-not-heal had led to some surprising results, thus far.

Especially given the endless efforts since childhood to soothe it.

There had been a certain amount of wisdom gleaned from the study of various philosophies or cosmological systems, with which to address similar pains of others.

There had been a measure of cultivation of resilience and patience with regards woundings to identity, selfhood and intimacy.

There had been lessons learned from less-than-joyous encounters with significant others - an understanding of personal boundaries and an eventual acknowledgment of needful self-love, self-acceptance.

There had been a growing awareness that aggression and ego-driven competition would never be enough to dull the pain.

But mostly there had been the mounting realisation that this injury was not one whose scab would simply drop off when the time was right, leaving behind only the barest cicatrice.

No, it was a hurt that was there to stay, the better to prompt the native to learn to heal others; it was, in fact, never meant to be salved or relieved or made better.

And that simply had to suffice.




The image above was taken from this site.

Metaphysical makeovers & multiple healing modalities, aka Jupiter-Neptune-Chiron in Aquarius redux

Remember the three spiritual heavyweights that have been spending quality time together this year?

I mean Jupiter-Neptune-Chiron in Aquarius, the planetary combo other than the Saturn-Uranus opposition and Saturn-Pluto square that have been in the astrological headlines in 2009.

'member them?

Well, they're still hanging out in my sixth house. And as a Virgo rising, Mercury and Mars in Aquarius kind of fella, I've been undergoing something of a metaphysical makeover this year. Not to mention, an initiation into multiple healing modalities I hadn't hitherto encountered.

I've been experimenting with a variety of meditation techniques, as well as affirmations, mental/energetic reprogramming, new systems of illumination and also journalling my hopes and aspirations in an invitation to the universe to dance with me, with who I am.

I've also had some needful (to me) surgery back in February, trusting that the merry trio in my house of work and health would bring the necessary recuperative powers to my body. They certainly have, praise God.

Looking back now, on this November 11:11 energetic gate, if I compare my present to where I was at the beginning of this difficult and fairly painful year, it's like I'm living another lifetime, a different incarnation.

And with almost completely different people as my confidantes and friends.

During this process, I have made very little money and progress in my professional career. And I have lost what was dearest to me: the girl I thought was going to be my wife and life companion. Not least because my 'otherworldly' interests and concerns could never be shared by her. And certainly the combo of spiritually-inclined filmmaker was never going to amount to the good provider that she, sincerely and honestly, deserves.

However, I am choosing to look upon this Jupe-Neppy-Chiron progress through my sixth as a shamanic dismemberment of sorts. Presumably the universe will eventually put me back together. I sense it's already been doing so, though I guess time will make it easier to gauge by how much.

Incidentally, if you want to read a really good post on the process of 'splitting apart' from the Human Design point of view, you can find it on the blog of Kim Gould, a very talented HD practitioner.

But to go back to how I began this post:

Jupiter, Neptune and Chiron in unemotional but visionary Aquarius have certainly made it impossible not to heal, expand my faith and horizons and make more peace with my path this year.

For this I am very grateful, and whenever my heart fills with sorrow, I'm trying to open it anyway. I don't always succeed, but I know for sure my life is beautiful and the universe benevolent, wise and ultimately joyous. It's been a rich year.







The image above was taken from this site.

How the life force sometimes returns

Really, we're designed to survive. No matter how tough it gets, no matter how much we trip ourselves up or try to self-destruct, at our core, we're actually pretty darn tough.

The renowned astrologer Noel Tyl said it far better when he mused on the following:

"There’s an adaptability about human beings that is designed by Nature to help us cope, to help us heal. Intrinsic mechanisms are built into our mood systems to help us accommodate difficulty.

"These coping mechanisms see to work against any of our contrived efforts to enhance our moods permanently. In other words, drugs, alcohol, rationalizations, pathological lying, profligate spending, as mood savers, cannot endure for long; more and more of whatever it is is needed, and addiction ensues.

"It is our nature to get used to what is difficult in our lives."

You can read the rest of his insightful essay here.

Despite weathering some of the worst bouts of self-loathing and self-doubt I've experienced so far, it seems moments of serenity and contentment do return - indeed, might well be hiding just around the corner.

For me, though, it's not just time that makes the difference as Noel suggests. Rather it is being meaningfully active.

No new ground broken here, but my Moon in Capricorn (under five degrees from my Sixth house cusp), my Virgo Ascendant, and my Aquarius Mars and Mercury (also in the Sixth) REALLY need to be busy - preferably working my a** off.

Fortunately for me, this evening was just such a night, wherein almost nine hours disappeared while I practised laying out articles using the InDesign publishing software for the newspaper at which I often proofread. The idea is I get trained up while working unpaid, in the hopes that I'll be in shape to cover sub-editor shifts whenever the latter are on holiday.

Well here's hoping, anyway.

Whether or not they hire me though, it felt so good walking home this evening after putting the paper to bed. Really, all I need is to keep ultra-busy if at all possible, and all will be fine.

Too bad Neptune and Chiron (and soon Jupiter) just turned retrograde in my Sixth.






The image above was taken from this site.

Abundance revisited, or Chiron-Jupiter-Neptune is like salt in the cosmic wound...

Haven't experienced this much pain in a long, long time. It's like tearing open a wound that had just scabbed and then pouring the contents of the salt cellar on it.

Holy crap! Lately it's been like bashing my head against one wall, only to find a new surface to practise spontaneous cranial omelette-making. All the old anxiety and self-loathing at not being 'normal' and not making money have just erupted like a particularly vicious flare-up of eczema or psoriasis.

I've been going round and round and round in circles, trying to do something about the no job-living at home situation. So far, there have been a few opps which I may or may not go for. But all almost guaranteed to send me around the bend with frustration. I kid you not. Uranus in Scorpio in the Third House, squaring Mars in Aquarius in the Sixth points to the independence-lovin', answer-to-none kind of 'employee' I am. Ha. What I am is a freelancer in denial!

But just so happens that this evening I realised that I'd been visualising abundance and money pouring in, when... I was actually in fairly good shape: debt free, still some savings left and, whatever else it may do for my self esteem, rent-free living at the parental units.

**Aries/Sagittarius/Capricorn/Scorpio/Tauruses are free to leave in disgust now**

So, I decided this evening to stop worrying about getting a 'real' job and moving out of the apartment. I realise that's not actually my first priority right now. Making use of the three summer months for completing the first draft of my feature-length screenplay and writing the kids' book I have in mind, are. That's what I'm going to give my focus and attention to.

Let whoever wishes to judge me for this lifestyle, do so. I try to judge noone (though I'm bad at not judging myself - Saturn separately squaring Venus and Pluto). Right now I'm in the position most artists dream of, so I'm going to hunker down and create.

Also, simplicity is the name of the game right now. Anything that is taking away from my focus has to be eliminated.

By the end of the summer, with my two projects completed, I'll make a dedoubled push for job and apartment-hunting. (Though hey, if the universe wants to send me some kind of paying opportunity that's related to writing/film/healing, bring it on).

The image above is from this site.

Capricorn as Teacher Part II

Time for visualisations, gratitude and affirmation, as the window of opportunity afforded by the new moon in Capricorn closes.

Capricorn is the sign on my natal Fifth house cusp - what astrologers describe as given over to love affairs, children, creative projects and speculative activities such as games and gambling. A house mostly of pleasure in other words.

Can't say such matters have been a barrel of laughs for me. For one thing, Capricorn is ruled by cosmic taskmaster Saturn. And the square between Saturn and Venus (conjunct Chiron) in my natal chart has meant love has required plenty of sacrifice and heartache. Granted, I've grown a great deal from such heartache, but not by choice.

Alright, enough boo-hooing on that score.

In general, as a fairly Saturnian (and Plutonian) sort - my Moon is at 29 degrees of Capricorn at the end of the aforementioned house - the kind of lightheartedness associated with the Fifth was never going to happen for me. Which is not to say that I haven't had many happy or tender moments. Or that the tougher moments haven't taught me a lot. But love, creativity and pleasure have been very much of the Capricorn/Saturn kind: ie. the type that come with a lot of set-backs, disappointments and often crushing self-awareness thrown in.

And now, dear old Pluto's moved in for a goodly time. More hard work in store. Which is okay, I hasten to add since, with my Virgo ascendant and Aquarius Mercury and Mars in the Sixth (not to mention that pesky Capricorn Moon) I need work in order to be able to live with myself. Work brings me meaning, and stretches of too much free time sends me teetering into doubt, despair and severe depression.

But work of the kind that Pluto now promises scares me. The kind that is deep, profound, relentless and pitiless on the weakest links. That kind of work in the area of love, where I so often feel inadequate and vulnerable, is terrifying.

Not to mention, Pluto will be filling out the fourth arm in my natal cardinal T-Square between Saturn, Venus and birth Pluto, and at some point, conjuncting my Moon. What does this frankly unappetising transit bode for the timorous such as myself?

The only response I can offer lies in the virtues of Capricorn. Or rather, only a Capricornian answer seems possible, as dictated by Saturn, that "old devil" planet astrologers used to call the Greater Malefic.

My riposte to the uncertainty of possible trauma and loss ahead is the following:

- I will surrender to and carry out the work necessary without complaint to the best of my ability.

- I will choose to face and willingly assume every responsibility placed on me.

- I will visualise and nurture a positive plan for my future -and be unafraid to cultivate one that might include possible public acclaim.

- I will accept the limitations and obstacles placed in my path without giving in to apathy, despair or self-pity.

- I will freely, patiently and dedicatedly strive to lay strong foundations - however slow the process - to better the lives of others as well as myself, no matter how small such an improvement might be.

-I will commit to becoming the best leader, lover, artist, servant and teacher I can be.

-I will shake off the burdens that are not mine, forgive all enemies and slough away grudges. I will also forgive myself my mistakes.

-I will accept myself, shake off my cynicism and climb the mountain. That above all: I will climb the mountain. And I will do so with a young and unguarded heart.

At this time of the Capricorn new moon, I thank the universe for all the creativity, love, needful risks and new life that is to come my way over the next several years. May Pluto in Capricorn help me to build a truer, purer joy both in my life and that of others.

*****************

For a breezier take on the virtues of Capricorn as Teacher, read one of my earlier posts here.






The image above was taken from this site.