Affirmations for the new Moon in Leo, in the natal 12th House. Or how to move past total burn-out.

New Moon in Leo today, which falls in my Leonine 12th House. How do I feel? Absolutely exhausted.

Normally, when the Sun is basking in the flamboyant sign it loves best, self-expression and creativity are favoured, as we press on into the fiery heart of the last month of summer.

And I'd have loved to have taken up creative pursuits again - in another life (so it seems), I played music, sang, wrote poetry, short stories, scripts, acted, danced, directed...

But having spent the past five months using every waking minute focusing on learning how to make money through the internet, my brain and personal stamina are flagging. I'm burned out.

It would make sense to take a break from all the finance-oriented stuff, the technical tutorials on 'how to set up this' or 'how to configure that' or 'where to download the other' and the endless ebooks that detail the myriad business plans to a viable money-making endeavour online.

It would make sense simply to surrender (12H) and renew my loyalty (Leo) to my longterm goal of being a working writer-director - a mover and shaker in the performing arts (Leo).

It would make sense to revisit my half-finished feature scripts, rewrite my short screenplays, review the plan for the kids' book I'd intended to write... or even just play my guitar and read for pleasure. Especially with Mercury about to retrograde on August 20.

But I can't.

As transiting Saturn grimly ploughs on through my Second House, inching towards conjoining my natal Pluto in October...

...thereafter to oppose my natal Venus and square my birth Saturn (while transiting Pluto moves closer to squaring its position at my birth)...

...the relentlessness (Pluto-Saturn) of the need to turn around my income and moneymaking ability (Second House) - and with it, transform (Pluto) my self-worth (Second House) by building a solid foundation (Saturn) for my finances - is endless.

And I have to honour that drive, no matter how much unease and anxiety it creates in me to put aside working on my true 'craft'.

So, on this new Moon in Leo:

I give thanks for the pride I will take in the creativity that waits to be tapped into, at the right time.

I give thanks for the professional accomplishments and kudos that hopefully are to come.

And I give thanks for the source of the storytelling that comes from beyond me, and which will flow through me once again... just as soon as I've dealt with these Second House issues of generating income.

(And self-worth).




The image above was taken from this site.

Light side of the Ninth: An astrological perspective

Well, here's part two for those who missed the first bit. The lighter or 'good' side of me.

It's funny, but I think I've actually been putting off writing this post. Had no problem going on about my evil-ness, but my good side is... I dunno, a bit embarrassing to speak of.

Still, better get on with it, for the sake of balance - something that might even bring a smile to sourpuss Saturn, currently in dignified Libra.

Firstly, I guess, there's that Sun-Jupiter conjunction in Pisces. It's a wide conjunction, but whenever I've had readings, the astrologer has considered me a Sol-Jupe kinda fella, and I think it fits well.

Essentially, I'm expansive when it comes to both beliefs and the magnanimity of the universe, and also in terms of my own desire to love all. (Do I succeed? Meh. It's varied, but the impetus is there).

In terms of being intoxicated with the broadest of idealistic horizons and a spiritual, all-encompassing love, I'm there.

And I have a big heart. On my good days. On the less good days, I feel as if I've swallowed the ocean and am totally lost in the supernova of spirit. To thoroughly mix my simile-metaphors.

Then there's that Venus-Neptune trine in fire (respectively Aries and Sagittarius). Can we say romantic? We can. Hopelessly, utterly, fatally romantic. If you want more of an elaboration, you can find it here in an earlier post.

Which basically means I adore beauty in all its forms - music, sculpture, poetry, painting, architecture, the human figure, all of the performing arts etc. - as long as it is inspiring (fire).

And I believe my exes, whatever else they may think of me now (and I'm grateful to say, these ladies are still friends) would attest to my love of the romantic gesture.

In short, I'm not the kind of guy who'll forget your birthday or neglect any of the niceties of courtship, tenderness and long-term devotion.

Also I have deep-rooted yen for courtesy and fairness.

Meanwhile, lurking in my sixth house are both Mars and Mercury in maverick Aquarius. Hence, I am both left-brained and right-brained: I've been cultivating an integration between the skills of the cerebral hemispheres for a long time now, and I believe I'm making progress.

So-called 'paranormal' abilities and energy healing are a few of my passions.

I'm the kind of person who'll entertain the zaniest (read: provocative) ideas, which sound, on the face of it, rather crazy. But I tend to be good at articulating the (il)logic behind 'em. And with Mercury in the sign of the humanitarian rebel, public speaking at any time, before any scale of audience, with or without prep, is like breathing to me.

As are writing, and speedily learning and integrating the latest spiritual, healing and technological advances. And I'm good with my hands, too (Mercury in the sixth).

Meanwhile, Virgo-rising, for all its anal nitpicking (that sounds rather unfortunate, but you catch my drift), makes me a fairly adept problem-solver. And good at sorting through the details.

Most of the time I even succeed in over-compensating for that lack of patience, too (Aquarius Mars in the sixth, square Scorpio Uranus in the third), by logically and methodically tackling needful (if boring) tasks.

Did I mention I like to be active all the time? Well, I do. I respect and take care of my health (though I wish I were more disciplined about cooking for myself) and to me that means fitness is key. I need to be in motion and tend to thrive if I can exercise intensely almost every day.

Hence, I'm a good person to have around if you need sustained, ignoring-the-pain-and-doing-it-anyway sort of energy. As long as there's a clear goal and the process isn't too mind-numbingly boring. I have a low boredom threshold.

Which also means I enjoy hard work (Aquarius Mars and Mercury in the sixth - as well as Capricorn Moon by its proximity to the sixth house cusp). In fact, I have workaholic tendencies. I sleep very poorly if I feel I'm not working hard enough. Though I am trying to break the pattern of deriving self-worth from the level of work I accomplish.

If you are my friend or a family member/loved one, I will be loyal and steadfast (Saturn in the 11th, Cappie Moon, Saturn square Venus) and take my responsibilities to you very seriously. I will strive always to do the right thing by you. Most of the time I will put your needs (and those of others generally) ahead of mine.

Again, with the current Saturn-Pluto square from my respective second to fifth houses, I am trying to find the balance between caring for my needs as well as others' in my significant personal and professional relationships.

And I'm creative (Moon in the fifth, Venus trine Neptune, Neptune square Sun, quintiles between Sun and MC, Mars and Venus) and, dare I say it, charismatic (Pluto opposition Venus, Uranus sextile Ascendant).

Acting, dancing, drawing, writing, directing, playing instruments come fairly easily to me.

To end on a Sun-Jupiter accent: I would describe myself as a servant king (Leo 12H, Virgo-rising), endowed with a rigorous creative, spiritual, intellectual and humanitarian drive, to put at the service of the collective.

And I strive to do just that, every day.



The image above was taken from this site.

Abundance revisited, or Chiron-Jupiter-Neptune is like salt in the cosmic wound...

Haven't experienced this much pain in a long, long time. It's like tearing open a wound that had just scabbed and then pouring the contents of the salt cellar on it.

Holy crap! Lately it's been like bashing my head against one wall, only to find a new surface to practise spontaneous cranial omelette-making. All the old anxiety and self-loathing at not being 'normal' and not making money have just erupted like a particularly vicious flare-up of eczema or psoriasis.

I've been going round and round and round in circles, trying to do something about the no job-living at home situation. So far, there have been a few opps which I may or may not go for. But all almost guaranteed to send me around the bend with frustration. I kid you not. Uranus in Scorpio in the Third House, squaring Mars in Aquarius in the Sixth points to the independence-lovin', answer-to-none kind of 'employee' I am. Ha. What I am is a freelancer in denial!

But just so happens that this evening I realised that I'd been visualising abundance and money pouring in, when... I was actually in fairly good shape: debt free, still some savings left and, whatever else it may do for my self esteem, rent-free living at the parental units.

**Aries/Sagittarius/Capricorn/Scorpio/Tauruses are free to leave in disgust now**

So, I decided this evening to stop worrying about getting a 'real' job and moving out of the apartment. I realise that's not actually my first priority right now. Making use of the three summer months for completing the first draft of my feature-length screenplay and writing the kids' book I have in mind, are. That's what I'm going to give my focus and attention to.

Let whoever wishes to judge me for this lifestyle, do so. I try to judge noone (though I'm bad at not judging myself - Saturn separately squaring Venus and Pluto). Right now I'm in the position most artists dream of, so I'm going to hunker down and create.

Also, simplicity is the name of the game right now. Anything that is taking away from my focus has to be eliminated.

By the end of the summer, with my two projects completed, I'll make a dedoubled push for job and apartment-hunting. (Though hey, if the universe wants to send me some kind of paying opportunity that's related to writing/film/healing, bring it on).

The image above is from this site.

Disturbia and My Dream of America

I have just seen D. J. Caruso's Disturbia (2007), the teen version of Rear Window with Shia LaBeouf, Carrie-Anne Moss and David Morse. It was very entertaining. But Alfred Hitchcock it ain't.

However, the script was funny, tight in structure (as in, well-written for the teen-thriller genre) and boasted a genuinely interesting, intelligent lead (LaBeouf). More importantly, it painted a picture of an American adolescent's life that brought back my own dream of America, and why I had been so eager to find a way there on graduating from a British uni, back in 1997.

Before the smart-asses who've seen the film say: "you mean you dreamed of finding suburban angst, teen boredom and crime?"

No. And I hate the thought of living in the suburbs.

But I did dream of finding a life full of daring, independence, plenty, creativity and self-invention. And yes, a beautiful-limbed American girlfriend.

And to a large extent, I was not disappointed with what I encountered as a post-graduate student in the States, though all experiences, good or bad, did come at a price.

To gain independence in America, there were so often times I had to go beyond the limits of my comfort zone - and not just in my school work.

I tried to be a gentleman scholar - cramming in as many extra-curricular pursuits (namely singing and acting), sports (weight-training, running, fencing) as I could, as well as giving time to my studies.

But I also had to adapt to a car culture when I didn't have a vehicle, and where everything you needed was somewhere down the neverending highway. I had to learn the self-sufficiency borne of being without a family network to look to for guidance or support. I had to adjust to living in a country with extreme weather and vast distances.

I had to experience love and heartbreak.

The plenty, creativity and self-invention were also challenging to aspire to. My area of specialisation was film directing, and noone at film school ever factored in artistic insecurities in giving feedback. New York City was full of actors who expected professionalism from the get-go, even on student projects. I had to find the courage to direct people I hadn't ever met before under the extremely intense conditions of no-budget independent filmmaking. And finding my own niche in the popculturally-savvy, jaded, but opinionated city of Gotham was tricky, too.

All of this wasn't a big deal, it was just life, lots of it, and a pretty good deal, in my opinion, for a sheltered denizen of Cyprus, not to mention, liberating and confidence-building to boot.

Today, having been in Cyprus since 2006, the contrasts between Nicosia and New York have been pretty glaring, and I've had to look at America from a very different, less laudatory perspective.

The USA is still a country that draws me - and there's a deep calling to return to my beloved Manhattan - but now I wonder whether I would see only the wastefulness in the culture where I once saw plenty; whether I would see arrogance and greed where I once saw self-confidence, motivation and initiative; whether I would see provincialism, ignorance and dysfunction where I once saw freedom, generosity and friendliness.

These last three years have wearied me like no other. The pollution of the world, both material and spiritual has taken a very heavy toll.

But, for all of that, for all my doubts as to whether or not I could still be happy in America, the land of the free (though not lately) still occupies my dreamscapes of choice. I can't escape the connection; it's very deep. My psychic - if not familial - roots there go deep, somehow.

Also, the US is still the country that gave us Abe Lincoln, Martin Luther King, JFK, Ernest Hemingway, T. S. Eliot (no, he wasn't English), Emily Dickinson, Lorraine Hansbury, Langston Hughes, Sylvia Plath, William Faulkner, Norman Mailer, not to mention a host of scientists, philosophers, athletes, artists and inventors too numerous to name. And the resonance of that pioneering, revolutionary, visionary spirit in every aspect of civic life is still there, waiting to resurface.

Yes, there has been the (massive) falling short of my dream of America. And I see, from my Cypriot perspective, much more clearly the governmental incompetence, the staggering levels of poverty, the lack of health care for the vast majority unable to afford insurance, the educational failure and the collective paranoia toward The Other (eg. illegal immigrants).

And yes, I realise these occur everywhere, but I hadn't really seen these elements in the States the way I do now. Now that I am far away.

I still dream of America as I once hoped it to be: a beacon of justice, generosity and personal freedom, the latter not gained at the expense of collective responsibility, maturity and innovation.

May I live in that America, some day.

The Capricorn New Moon and Manifestation

The Sun and Moon are now conjunct in Capricorn, the sign of manifestation.

This means we have a two-to-three-day window during this commencement of the new lunar cycle to send forth into the universe our highest aspirations, desires and hopes - not just for ourselves, but for our loved ones and all that lives - all creation in other words, since creation is very much Saturn-ruled Capricorn's realm (though it helps if Neptune's involved, too).

With the powerful Capricorn energy dominating over the next day or so, we are given a particularly potent window of opportunity to channel our intentions for new projects outward and give thanks for what we already enjoy and what we are yet to receive.

This evening, I reminded myself of my most positive aspirations, since I so often struggle with the lowest vibrations of anxiety, depression, fear and negativity. I gave myself licence to remember what I hoped for for myself - to remember, in other words, my highest self.

I looked into my heart and saw a mighty being of light - a light far greater than the terrors that usually threaten to overwhelm it.

I saw creativity, joy and daring. I saw a gratitude mighty as the sun, reaching forth with every action to embrace life and to send out love and healing.

I imagined a consciousness pure of every kind of bias, prejudice and limitation. Of limitless generosity and grace.

No longer a slave to pessimissm, fear and shame, anxiety, insecurity and timidity, I invited my grandest, strongest, wisest, most compassionate self to me.

May the beginning of the new lunar month make us all agents of our highest aspirations, to serve and to love others, regardless of reward, and to help each other manifest our dreams.

Light, love and peace to all.