These days, I am obsessed with manifesting a career that will suit me down to a 'T'. It's my first thought when I awake and the last thought when I sleep. (Well, other than thinking of my ex, whom I miss very much. Very, very much).
Apparently, those with a Sagittarian North Node have a better aptitude than others when it comes to manifesting their desires. I guess because Sags are always relying on faith that the wherewithal and provisions for a journey will be provided for by, well, Providence.
I have the North Node in Sagittarius in the Fourth House and a Gemini South Node in the Tenth. That South Node has marked a seemingly endless desire to experiment and change career plans, with a thirst for experiences that is always prematurely slaked just when the real commitment bit has to kick in.
In short, in imagining a career for myself' I've gone from one plan to another, with very little money made to show for it.
Additionally, I have a low boredom threshold and a terror of being tied down to a boring, monotonous job. I shy away from the kinds of occupation that most people wishing to be self-sufficient undertake for the greater good of not being parasitic/burdens on those they love and/or to support their families.
Unfortunately, while I harbour no end of self-condemnation for my own fickleness and inability to settle into one particular job, the pain, shame and lack of selfworth have obviously not been enough to compel me to do the honorable thing and say 'yes' to the first job I'm offered, just to stop my internal engine of condemnation from filling me with self-loathing.
It hasn't been enough to castigate myself into action with the full-on barrage of thoughts like: "You're a worthless, good-for-nothing, burden-on-society parasite, spoiled and selfish and lazy and not fit to enjoy what you do."
And yet, neither has it been enough to simply accept myself. While I have Mars and Mercury in an Aquarius Sixth House, and a Scorpio Uranus in the Third squaring that Mars (not to mention my Moon at 29 degrees of Capricorn), I have not been able to find peace simply by accepting myself as a rebel and a drifter.
To the contrary (as my ex likes to say), I actually very much want to prove myself with a decent career, decent money and a means with which to bring together my spiritual and creative interests. And support a family.
Meanwhile, though, there's this idea that jobs (and most careers) are meant to be soul-killing and badly-paid with miserably long hours, hellish deadlines, insufferable tedium and a brutish superior (or three). That's apparently how you can tell you're doing the responsible thing. The level of suffering is directly proportional to the level of maturity achieved.
[[Obviously I'm being rather petulant here, but I need to get this off my chest.]]
Yet I refuse to be in the above-mentioned situation. Which, I suppose, is proof of my own level of privilege and pampered-ness (is there such a noun?) on the one hand, and ongoing reluctance to make a commitment to a normal job/career or the constraints of a healthy adult life on the other.
Indeed, I hasten to add, trying to supress such inclinations has not resulted in the responsible behaviour I aspire to. Rather, it has continued to put me at war within myself and drain my energy and make me miserable.
Q: Which leaves me where exactly?
A: Back to self-acceptance and the manifestation of desire through focus and trust in the generosity of the Universe (and gratitude for the plenty I already enjoy).
I'm going to endeavour to be enough for myself, warts and all. Restlessness, impatience, low boredom threshold and ever-shifting inclinations toward creative/healing freelance career included.
And I'm going to imagine the perfect career. Which, for me, would have to include:
-- Travelling all over the world
-- The opportunity to interact with people spiritually and creatively
-- The opportunity to write and direct for film and theatre and generally express myself in a variety of ways (in this case, more writing - fiction, poetry, graphic novels, kids' books, illustration, music...)
-- The opportunity to share my knowledge, guide, teach and help people heal
-- The opportunity to keep learning till the day I die (languages, theories of anything, metaphysics - and just about everything other than knitting, sewing and stamp-collecting)
-- The opportunity to serve others and be a good steward of the earth
There. That's what I want to do for a living.
Did I mention I wanted a decent wage/income, too? I do. I want to make money and a decent amount of it.
Q: Am I daring to imagine such things when Saturn's about to go into my Second House of earned income (and values, and self-worth)?
A: You double betcha.
In the meantime, praises and thanks to the Universe for everything I enjoy and all those I love who are in my life, whether as friends or family.
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For those interested, my desire to envision (and, thus, manifest) the perfect job has been shaped by the principles shared in this book.
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The image above was taken from this site.
