Natal Saturn and Cutting the Anxious Some Slack

I was thinking, today, that it's so unfair some types are endowed with seemingly endless enthusiasm and self-confidence, while others struggle every day with neuroses, free-floating anxiety, guilt, fear and soul-destroying self-doubt.

What gets my goat even more is that the former usually end up overtly or covertly blaming the latter for perpetuating their own woes. Or, at the very least, end up sounding intensely patronizing when they're genuinely trying to be supportive or encouraging.

"Grow up," or "Deal with it," or "Suck it up," or "Stop being a loser," or "What, you think you're the only one?" or "You're [insert number] years old for chrissake..." or "You're choosing to be unhappy," or "Until you accept [insert person/situation], you're going to feel bad," or even, my personal fave, "Noone can help you, but you".

Before anyone jumps on me for presuming to speak for the less-assertive and self-esteem-possessing, let me be the first to say, right here and now, that I believe experiencing suffering and negativity is a personal choice, and that what happens to us and how we live our lives does depend, much of the time, on our choices and application of will.

But.

I am also of the opinion that, from the point of view of natal Astrology, our birth charts point to inclinations toward positivity or negativity that we come into the world hardwired to manifest in varying degrees. And these take far more application of will, self-discipline and self-knowledge to overcome.

A good indicator of the flavour of anxiety and fear in our lives, as well as the sphere of life it is likely to be most operative in, is the condition and position of Saturn in the birth chart.

In our Saturnian world of order and ego-protecting boundaries, we pooh-pooh (and are deeply threatened by) Neptune's vague and profoundly irrational terrors - all very Twelfth House stuff and, consequently, dismissed in the harsh light of day and conveniently locked up in our astrological house of ghosts.

To my endless chagrin, the Cosmic Taskmaster when I was born was in its detriment in Cancer. Cancer Saturns bode ill for early family life and amplify the desperate hunger for material (and emotional) security. In my Eleventh House of friends, hopes and wishes, it marks an unease in social gatherings or groups, an awkwardness with companions of my own age, and a paranoia about being able to provide for myself or, conversely, a horror of dependency.

The Greater Malefic in my birth chart is also retrograde, which, as Lynn Hayes of Astrodynamics (http://astrodynamics.blogspot.com/index.html) accurately points out, "shows a strong tendency towards self-criticism and low self-esteem."

In addition, Saturn contacts my birth Venus in Aries and Pluto in Libra in a rather trying T-square, and is quincunx vague and illusory Neptune in Sagittarius.

Add to that an ultra-receptive Sun-Jupiter conjunction in Pisces, and Sun-Neptune square and it might be fair to say that it doesn't take much to send me teetering to the edge of the collective abyss.

Lucky for me, my Capricorn moon usually kicks me in the arse and gets me into gear to plod onward, despite the ever-present desire not to get out of bed in the morning, soundly admonishing me for being such a self-pitying mound of jelly at times. It's a masochistic M.O. but, so far, it's one of the few things that forces me to fight the blackness when it comes and not simply succumb to despair.

To be fair, though, having come this far at the grand old age of almost-33, I accept and acknowledge that there really is a personal power in everyone to take control of their lives - even when everything else seems in chaos. Whatever the length of our lifespan and the limitations of our material circumstances, we can choose to face fears, however irrational, and accept the possibility of pain and vulnerability and uncertainty, not to mention responsibility for our happiness and peace of mind.

Perhaps it ultimately does come down to a triumph of the will, if one may disassociate the notion from Nazi documentarian Leni Riefenstahl's film of the same name.

And my Mars-Pluto and Sun-Saturn trines can only help on that score.