The Nodes in the Fourth/Tenth, Or Visualising the Perfect Career

These days, I am obsessed with manifesting a career that will suit me down to a 'T'. It's my first thought when I awake and the last thought when I sleep. (Well, other than thinking of my ex, whom I miss very much. Very, very much).

Apparently, those with a Sagittarian North Node have a better aptitude than others when it comes to manifesting their desires. I guess because Sags are always relying on faith that the wherewithal and provisions for a journey will be provided for by, well, Providence.

I have the North Node in Sagittarius in the Fourth House and a Gemini South Node in the Tenth. That South Node has marked a seemingly endless desire to experiment and change career plans, with a thirst for experiences that is always prematurely slaked just when the real commitment bit has to kick in.

In short, in imagining a career for myself' I've gone from one plan to another, with very little money made to show for it.

Additionally, I have a low boredom threshold and a terror of being tied down to a boring, monotonous job. I shy away from the kinds of occupation that most people wishing to be self-sufficient undertake for the greater good of not being parasitic/burdens on those they love and/or to support their families.

Unfortunately, while I harbour no end of self-condemnation for my own fickleness and inability to settle into one particular job, the pain, shame and lack of selfworth have obviously not been enough to compel me to do the honorable thing and say 'yes' to the first job I'm offered, just to stop my internal engine of condemnation from filling me with self-loathing.

It hasn't been enough to castigate myself into action with the full-on barrage of thoughts like: "You're a worthless, good-for-nothing, burden-on-society parasite, spoiled and selfish and lazy and not fit to enjoy what you do."

And yet, neither has it been enough to simply accept myself. While I have Mars and Mercury in an Aquarius Sixth House, and a Scorpio Uranus in the Third squaring that Mars (not to mention my Moon at 29 degrees of Capricorn), I have not been able to find peace simply by accepting myself as a rebel and a drifter.

To the contrary (as my ex likes to say), I actually very much want to prove myself with a decent career, decent money and a means with which to bring together my spiritual and creative interests. And support a family.

Meanwhile, though, there's this idea that jobs (and most careers) are meant to be soul-killing and badly-paid with miserably long hours, hellish deadlines, insufferable tedium and a brutish superior (or three). That's apparently how you can tell you're doing the responsible thing. The level of suffering is directly proportional to the level of maturity achieved.

[[Obviously I'm being rather petulant here, but I need to get this off my chest.]]

Yet I refuse to be in the above-mentioned situation. Which, I suppose, is proof of my own level of privilege and pampered-ness (is there such a noun?) on the one hand, and ongoing reluctance to make a commitment to a normal job/career or the constraints of a healthy adult life on the other.

Indeed, I hasten to add, trying to supress such inclinations has not resulted in the responsible behaviour I aspire to. Rather, it has continued to put me at war within myself and drain my energy and make me miserable.

Q: Which leaves me where exactly?

A: Back to self-acceptance and the manifestation of desire through focus and trust in the generosity of the Universe (and gratitude for the plenty I already enjoy).

I'm going to endeavour to be enough for myself, warts and all. Restlessness, impatience, low boredom threshold and ever-shifting inclinations toward creative/healing freelance career included.

And I'm going to imagine the perfect career. Which, for me, would have to include:

-- Travelling all over the world

-- The opportunity to interact with people spiritually and creatively

-- The opportunity to write and direct for film and theatre and generally express myself in a variety of ways (in this case, more writing - fiction, poetry, graphic novels, kids' books, illustration, music...)

-- The opportunity to share my knowledge, guide, teach and help people heal

-- The opportunity to keep learning till the day I die (languages, theories of anything, metaphysics - and just about everything other than knitting, sewing and stamp-collecting)

-- The opportunity to serve others and be a good steward of the earth

There. That's what I want to do for a living.

Did I mention I wanted a decent wage/income, too? I do. I want to make money and a decent amount of it.

Q: Am I daring to imagine such things when Saturn's about to go into my Second House of earned income (and values, and self-worth)?

A: You double betcha.

In the meantime, praises and thanks to the Universe for everything I enjoy and all those I love who are in my life, whether as friends or family.

*****

For those interested, my desire to envision (and, thus, manifest) the perfect job has been shaped by the principles shared in this book.

*****

The image above was taken from this site.

Capricorn Moon at the Anaretic Degree, Or Why You Shouldn't Mess With Your Natal Planets

Some time ago, one of the astrologers whose blog I enjoy reading, Elsa Panizzon of ElsaElsa.com, observed (and I'm paraphrasing here) that not to acknowledge the specifics of your planets' signs/houses/aspects, is to cheat yourself of the meaning of your chart. It is to over-ride the message of the planets at the moment of your birth. In other words, it is to put yourself 'above' the planets and the energies (and balance) they stand for in your life.

For example, my natal Moon is to be found at 29 degrees, 38 minutes of Capricorn. Some astrologers use the term 'anaretic' for this final degree. If you wanted to argue the point, you could say it was in Aquarius. I mean, it's almost there - less than a degree away from the next sign.

And Aquarius would seem, on the surface of it, to well explain my Saturn-ruled early life (and mother), with the added desire to up-end convention in service to the wider needs of humanity, as well as to be rebelliously 'different'.

These things are true of me, but they are not marked by the placement of my Moon. Rather, they are symbolised by my Aquarian Mars and Mercury. And, no doubt, the sextile to my Virgo ascendant from natal Uranus in Scorpio.

My desire, my early life, my mother, even my heritage or clan, however, is still distinctly Capricornian. In my case, my driving need is to build something in order to attain achievement, distinction, respect, prestige or authority. When I am at my most instinctual (read: under attack, under pressure, threatened) I repress my emotions and turn coolly to leading. In fact, I'm as comfortable leading as I am serving - which is a strange thing indeed for a Pisces Sun, Virgo rising.

Not to mention that, despite that annoying South Node in my 10th house, I find it really, really hard to put aside the drive to shine careerwise and to gain supreme respect among my colleagues.

I've often found such vast ambition troubling and out of synch with my endeavour to lead a more modest and self-deprecating life - and to better the lot of others in some way.

Nevertheless, the fact remains that my Moon remains in Capricorn and, no matter how much I may try to deny it, the energy of it is always there.

Meanwhile, the anaretic degree of a sign is held by astrologers who integrate the idea of Karma or past lives into their interpretation of a chart, to be particularly portentous in that the native has 'one last chance' in this lifetime to learn the lessons of that particular sign.

Interestingly enough, my natal Moon is at the end of the Fifth House and could be read as also in the Sixth. Which is perfect because I have always desired (Moon) to put my creativity and art (Fifth House) into service for others (Aquarian Sixth).

In short, I'd agree with Elsa. Don't try and round off the numbers or fudge the placements of your planets. They're exactly where they were for a particular reason: to give you your unique blueprint for this lifetime.






The image above was taken from this site.

Apocalypse Now. Definitely Maybe.

"The promise of a recovery of a long-lost Golden Age reverberates through countless myths. The heart-chord it strikes has inspired visionaries and idealists from time immemorial. As well, it fuels a healthy discontent – the flip side of modern anxiety – that refuses to believe that this is the best we can do. It is an indignation, a muted outrage that can be allayed temporarily by comforts and luxuries, that can be subdued, temporarily, by survival anxiety, that is always strongest in the young, and that lies latent in all of us, ever-ready to be roused into a crusading idealism, though often coopted toward the perpetuation of the very conditions that give it rise. It is my purpose, dear reader, to give voice to your indignation and to reaffirm your intuitive knowledge that life is meant to be more."

From "Waiting for the Big One" by Charles Eisenstein, Reality Sandwich

Continuing from yesterday's post, I simply had to draw attention to another really great pick from the web magazine Reality Sandwich, which puts the current spike in 2012 and apocalyptic fervor into perspective.

I'd like to say Eisenstein offers good news. But he doesn't. At least, not exactly. What he offers is hope and a certain 'realistic' or 'grounded' line of approach to what he believes is the inevitable: the breakdown of life as we know it. Which would be pretty darn depressing if he didn't also add the following:

"Today we already can catch a glimpse of the technologies-social forms as well as paradigms of material production-of a future in love with life, which encompasses the love of being alive as well as the love of living beings. They are the technologies of sun, soil, and water, of bioenergy and rhythm, light and sound, word and touch, mind and dreaming, matter and information. All of them arise from and embody a different understanding of self and world. Just as present-day social forms and technologies both spring from and reinforce separation, 21st century technology will be both a cause and an effect of separation's reversal-a very different understanding of the universe articulated on every level from psychology to cosmology. As our crises intensify we will be faced with new choices and new possibilities. Let us recognize the full ramifications and full power of the choices that will soon open up to us."

You can read the full article here.

Oh, and on a not-so-very-related note (my Aquarius Mercury and Mars apologise), earlier this evening I learned (via the excellent NorthNodeastrology blog - checkitout) of a good place to go if you want to do something about the apalling suffering of women in sexual violence-ridden Congo. You know exactly the sort of despicable and cruel acts I mean - rape, mutilation and murder. In light of this ongoing barbarity, please consider going to Women for Women International, which is an organization committed to providing "financial and emotional" support to women "on the margins of hope", either to make a donation or sponsor an individual rape victim directly.