Transiting Saturn conjunct natal Pluto, or how I stopped worrying and learned to love the rack

I think the image above is an appropriate one for the experience of transiting Saturn conjunct natal Pluto in the Second House.

It is the rigour arising when past foundations (Saturn, the body) meet with unrelenting, transforming force (Pluto). 

In this case, my means of earning money, but also my self-worth - both Second House issues - are being warped-unto-breaking when combined with the Pluto principle - death and rebirth, (and perhaps hidden resources) - which lurks there natally.

The previous modes of income and their (admittedly scant) corollary - my self value - are being slowly put to death, and if I am wise, I will welcome and embrace this process, because what is dying is outmoded and toxic views of what it means to be valuable. 

Not to mention, what counts - and what is possible - as a viable means of income.

Those of you who have followed the (intermittent) ramblings of this blog, will know that such issues are nothing new for me, but they have been brought (I hope) to their peak by the unrelenting intensity of this transit.

Throw in transiting Saturn opposing natal Venus (in the Eighth), squaring natal Saturn (in the Eleventh) and the near-exact Pluto square (Fifth to Second) and you have a failure-is-not-an-option scenario that requires a fair bit of stamina to withstand.

But it also adds a tremendous impetus to commit to a new course when it comes to money-making and a fresh perspective from which to view myself. 

Which is to say, I'm being forced to consider: where does one draw their worth, if not from their accomplishments, their status, their revenue...?

While there are days when I long to simply find the off button, I know that I'm going to emerge far, far stronger and healthier from this process, and I am grateful for many things I had taken for granted at other, less-taxing times.

All is well, no matter what.

 

The images above were taken from this site and this site.

The Nodes in the Fourth/Tenth, Or Visualising the Perfect Career

These days, I am obsessed with manifesting a career that will suit me down to a 'T'. It's my first thought when I awake and the last thought when I sleep. (Well, other than thinking of my ex, whom I miss very much. Very, very much).

Apparently, those with a Sagittarian North Node have a better aptitude than others when it comes to manifesting their desires. I guess because Sags are always relying on faith that the wherewithal and provisions for a journey will be provided for by, well, Providence.

I have the North Node in Sagittarius in the Fourth House and a Gemini South Node in the Tenth. That South Node has marked a seemingly endless desire to experiment and change career plans, with a thirst for experiences that is always prematurely slaked just when the real commitment bit has to kick in.

In short, in imagining a career for myself' I've gone from one plan to another, with very little money made to show for it.

Additionally, I have a low boredom threshold and a terror of being tied down to a boring, monotonous job. I shy away from the kinds of occupation that most people wishing to be self-sufficient undertake for the greater good of not being parasitic/burdens on those they love and/or to support their families.

Unfortunately, while I harbour no end of self-condemnation for my own fickleness and inability to settle into one particular job, the pain, shame and lack of selfworth have obviously not been enough to compel me to do the honorable thing and say 'yes' to the first job I'm offered, just to stop my internal engine of condemnation from filling me with self-loathing.

It hasn't been enough to castigate myself into action with the full-on barrage of thoughts like: "You're a worthless, good-for-nothing, burden-on-society parasite, spoiled and selfish and lazy and not fit to enjoy what you do."

And yet, neither has it been enough to simply accept myself. While I have Mars and Mercury in an Aquarius Sixth House, and a Scorpio Uranus in the Third squaring that Mars (not to mention my Moon at 29 degrees of Capricorn), I have not been able to find peace simply by accepting myself as a rebel and a drifter.

To the contrary (as my ex likes to say), I actually very much want to prove myself with a decent career, decent money and a means with which to bring together my spiritual and creative interests. And support a family.

Meanwhile, though, there's this idea that jobs (and most careers) are meant to be soul-killing and badly-paid with miserably long hours, hellish deadlines, insufferable tedium and a brutish superior (or three). That's apparently how you can tell you're doing the responsible thing. The level of suffering is directly proportional to the level of maturity achieved.

[[Obviously I'm being rather petulant here, but I need to get this off my chest.]]

Yet I refuse to be in the above-mentioned situation. Which, I suppose, is proof of my own level of privilege and pampered-ness (is there such a noun?) on the one hand, and ongoing reluctance to make a commitment to a normal job/career or the constraints of a healthy adult life on the other.

Indeed, I hasten to add, trying to supress such inclinations has not resulted in the responsible behaviour I aspire to. Rather, it has continued to put me at war within myself and drain my energy and make me miserable.

Q: Which leaves me where exactly?

A: Back to self-acceptance and the manifestation of desire through focus and trust in the generosity of the Universe (and gratitude for the plenty I already enjoy).

I'm going to endeavour to be enough for myself, warts and all. Restlessness, impatience, low boredom threshold and ever-shifting inclinations toward creative/healing freelance career included.

And I'm going to imagine the perfect career. Which, for me, would have to include:

-- Travelling all over the world

-- The opportunity to interact with people spiritually and creatively

-- The opportunity to write and direct for film and theatre and generally express myself in a variety of ways (in this case, more writing - fiction, poetry, graphic novels, kids' books, illustration, music...)

-- The opportunity to share my knowledge, guide, teach and help people heal

-- The opportunity to keep learning till the day I die (languages, theories of anything, metaphysics - and just about everything other than knitting, sewing and stamp-collecting)

-- The opportunity to serve others and be a good steward of the earth

There. That's what I want to do for a living.

Did I mention I wanted a decent wage/income, too? I do. I want to make money and a decent amount of it.

Q: Am I daring to imagine such things when Saturn's about to go into my Second House of earned income (and values, and self-worth)?

A: You double betcha.

In the meantime, praises and thanks to the Universe for everything I enjoy and all those I love who are in my life, whether as friends or family.

*****

For those interested, my desire to envision (and, thus, manifest) the perfect job has been shaped by the principles shared in this book.

*****

The image above was taken from this site.

Looking Ahead: Unlocking the Potential of Saturn-Pluto (and Pluto-Venus)

As a way of distracting myself from the ongoing sadness of the break-up, I'm looking ahead to transiting Saturn's entry into my natal second house as of this October, where natal Pluto awaits for the inevitable conjunction.

You always sense the changing of the guard astrologically before it happens. Especially with the transits of Saturn. Whatever is the issue that will be at the forefront with its ingress into a new sign is already 'in the air' by the time it's finishing up its passage in the sign before.

Saturn is almost done with my Virgo first and I feel like I'm 100 years old. I'm also even skinnier than I was before and wrinklier, too. Which is a rather odd combo, since I'm still considered youthful-looking (despite the advanced age of 34) so now I look like a really young-looking old guy. Weird.

But for a long time now, and growing in tremendous urgency over the last year, has been the issue of income. I'm tired of my hitherto stop-start earnings. I take most of the responsibility for this in that I never wanted a mainstream 9-5 job. In my defence though, my educational background is so varied (and arty) that I don't really fit a mainstream job. Quite apart from which, in Cyprus, the media jobs in the English language (since my English is stronger than my Greek) are few and far between.

However, mostly, I blame myself. If I wanted the security and money badly enough, I'd have sucked up the boredom in what was available and got on with it. That would have been, my natal retrograde Saturn in Cancer reminds me, the mature thing to do.

Now, I'm determined to unlock the doors of abundance in employment and - transiting Jupiter in my Sixth - to do so in a way that is meaningful to me. I am determined to start my shamanic training this August, but before that happens, I'm determined to make the most of my grab-bag of skills to become a truly independent freelancer.

There is another, far more major reason for my reticence to take on a mainstream job in conservative Cyprus, which, for reasons of privacy, I never mention on this blog. One day, I hope that obstacle and its power to make me feel like a freak, to be gone from my life. And perhaps one day, I'll feel brave enough to talk about it openly.

But the fact remains, I'm still more comfortable setting my own hours and working one-on-one with people in a creative/spiritual/healing way. You'd think astrology as a fulltime career would be the answer. But even the best astrologers among us attest to how the profession is not a get-rich-quick field. And with natal Pluto in my second opposite natal Venus in my eighth, I feel there is a much greater store of abundance than I have experienced so far, available to me. Of course, both Pluto and Venus are squared by natal Saturn, so there is huge fear involved with tapping into the power (and wealth) of that Pluto-Venus dynamic.

But I'm determined to heal myself of that fear and start making money. Money will mean more freedom, independence, self-sufficiency, confidence AND flow of energy in other ways. Movement in my life which has been marked by either periods of incredible frenzy and others of seemingly unending stagnancy.

Of course, like many, I tend to 'mythologise' my life. It's just an ordinary life in many ways, and I've been incredibly privileged.

But making decent money on my own terms... that will be part of the new chapter that is now beginning. I hope I can be of some service/use to others. I hope I can unlock my creativity in tangible form. I really, really hope I can slay some of the demons that have haunted (and tormented) me for so long.

Money. Transformation of potential (and values - here's hoping it includes a new self-worth). Re-structuring of self-sufficiency and plenty. Saturn bearing down on natal Pluto in the Second. Abundance.





The image above was taken from this site.