Hey people. I'm sorry I disappeared again. I could give you a lot of excuses - some of them legitimate, like evening classes three times a week and meetings for a play that eventually we couldn't get actors for (details in another post) - but mostly, it's due to a lapse in self-discipline.
So, there you go. For an unemployed bum, I can make the time, I just haven't wanted to. Why? Well, you could say I opted to spend the time entertaining the demons - I call them 'my friendlies' (distant cousins of 'the kindlies', which are too much the CEO types to commit to one individual alone), who really don't want to give up a partnership that has weathered so many dangerously happy times. Not to mention, they're very patient and single-minded. And they like to keep me in line.
Even if - O fickle Ninth! - I dally with those flirtatious positive thoughts and apply my will toward choosing a less guilt-ridden, passive outlook - they take me back, every time. They're really the most faithful of self-created entities I know.
Sure, immediately after I've been successfully rescued from those hussies of selfworth and joy and hope, they have to punish me a bit. You know, show me who's boss. But that's fair enough if you think about it, right? I mean, they're investing all this time and effort in this relationship, choosing me over so many others far more compliant than I and still I refuse to completely learn my lesson, toe the line and simply resign myself - and appreciate - what I already enjoy with them, my friendlies. They do so much for me. And to me. How could I even entertain thoughts of ever leaving?
Well, obviously I do. Because I pay good money to a shrink twice a week to help me burn my bridges with the friendlies. To take back my energy and power and self-love and strength and awareness.
As often as I get dragged back into this unhappy union with the friendlies, just as often will I try to break free.
And I'll tell you something the friendlies have tried to keep a secret, but that I am recently re-discovering: I deserve to be free. Ain't nothing worse about me, in essence, than any other living being. Sure, nothing and noone owe me happiness. And sure, I'm carrying my own karmic burden. And I screw up from time to time. But a lot of the time, I'm quite an okay human being.
Still, if you bump into the friendlies, you didn't hear any of that from me, ok?
So, there you go. For an unemployed bum, I can make the time, I just haven't wanted to. Why? Well, you could say I opted to spend the time entertaining the demons - I call them 'my friendlies' (distant cousins of 'the kindlies', which are too much the CEO types to commit to one individual alone), who really don't want to give up a partnership that has weathered so many dangerously happy times. Not to mention, they're very patient and single-minded. And they like to keep me in line.
Even if - O fickle Ninth! - I dally with those flirtatious positive thoughts and apply my will toward choosing a less guilt-ridden, passive outlook - they take me back, every time. They're really the most faithful of self-created entities I know.
Sure, immediately after I've been successfully rescued from those hussies of selfworth and joy and hope, they have to punish me a bit. You know, show me who's boss. But that's fair enough if you think about it, right? I mean, they're investing all this time and effort in this relationship, choosing me over so many others far more compliant than I and still I refuse to completely learn my lesson, toe the line and simply resign myself - and appreciate - what I already enjoy with them, my friendlies. They do so much for me. And to me. How could I even entertain thoughts of ever leaving?
Well, obviously I do. Because I pay good money to a shrink twice a week to help me burn my bridges with the friendlies. To take back my energy and power and self-love and strength and awareness.
As often as I get dragged back into this unhappy union with the friendlies, just as often will I try to break free.
And I'll tell you something the friendlies have tried to keep a secret, but that I am recently re-discovering: I deserve to be free. Ain't nothing worse about me, in essence, than any other living being. Sure, nothing and noone owe me happiness. And sure, I'm carrying my own karmic burden. And I screw up from time to time. But a lot of the time, I'm quite an okay human being.
Still, if you bump into the friendlies, you didn't hear any of that from me, ok?
