Scorpio and Capricorn, or tougher-than-tough love

Sorry to have been MIA for ages dear readers; when I haven't been doing the night proofreading shift at the local English language daily, I've been giving most of my attention to working on my screenplay, meditating and a whole lot of self-reflection.

Above all, during this period, I have been musing on what exactly it is in me which always seems to attract the 'tough love' teachers. And why they are so often Scorpios or Capricorns. Or have so many planets/personal points in both signs.

Sort of like the relentless drill-sergeant Louis Gossett Jr. plays in An Officer and a Gentleman.

Take my father for instance. He's a Capricorn Sun, with (according to his mother's hazy memory of his birth-time) Scorpio on the Ascendant. That would fit him very well. Because he is not only my self-appointed timekeeper (Capricorn) - "We're not young forever; if I were you, I would stop wasting time and..." but is also given to dragging me into the underworld (Scorpio) at steady intervals, or probing deep into my soul (whether I invite him to, or not - most often not).

Meanwhile, my mother has Pluto in Leo conjunct her Ascendant, so that makes her rather Scorpio-like in her intense probing, too.

My old English Literature and Drama teacher, who has been a very important mentor in many ways, is a Capricorn; my ex-girlfriend, despite being a Libra, has Pluto conjunct her Sun, as well as the Moon, Mars, Mercury and Uranus all in Scorpio.

Then there's my current astrology teacher who has a very strong Saturn and a Scorpio Moon.

The list goes on and on and on.

Boy have I learned a lot from all of them, and continue to do so. Can't say I've always enjoyed the experience, but on the soul level I believe I have attracted them to me for a purpose. And, frankly, none of this is surprising given my own Capricorn Moon and Venus-Pluto-Saturn T-square. Or my natal Uranus in Scorpio sextile my Ascendant

In the fires of these intimates' intensity and in the boundaries they've forced me to honour - either in them or in me - I've slowly been (and continue to be) tested and refined, no matter how unpleasant it can at times be, for my higher good.

Then again, my musings could just be prompted by Pluto in Capricorn inching towards a square to my natal Pluto in Libra - which, taking into account my natal T-Square of Pluto-Venus-Saturn, is going to add up to a doozy of a Grand Cross - while transiting Saturn is on a collision course with Natal Pluto in my Second House. To say nothing of the pesky ongoing Neptune-Chiron-Jupiter dance, too.

Tough love, baby. The universe is really giving it to me aplenty.

By the time I head into my Uranus opposition, I'm going to be harder than steel and wiser than serpents, that's fer sure.




The above image was taken from this site.

Drumming away depression on the djembe

The moment I heard the thunder of that relentless, ecstatic rhythm it was obvious to me: drumming is like some God-given alchemy to release and transform the heaviest of energies.

To explain: this evening I went to a free djembe drumming concert held in the courtyard of Nicosia's Goethe Institut.

On a balmy Mediterranean night, with burning torches and gratis red vino, there were definitely worse places to be, let me tell you - but it was a total fluke. The only reason I was there was because an acquaintance had sent me a text message about it.

Actually, I can honestly say that I'm incredibly grateful for having gone; I felt happy for the first time in ages. The last week in particular has been steeped in sorrow and mourning for me for what was recently lost. Indeed, depression has been hovering rather too close for my comfort.

But gosh, hearing those drums - being stirred by that wall of joyous, pulsing sound - it was like being uplifted and relieved of burdens.

Small wonder such rhythms can be therapeutic. Even less of a surprise that such drumming is often the shaman's means to travel into an ecstatic state.

So, more drumming please, less depression. And if you're interested in learning more about djembe drumming's benefits, you can satisfy your curiosity here.






The image above was taken from this site.

How the life force sometimes returns

Really, we're designed to survive. No matter how tough it gets, no matter how much we trip ourselves up or try to self-destruct, at our core, we're actually pretty darn tough.

The renowned astrologer Noel Tyl said it far better when he mused on the following:

"There’s an adaptability about human beings that is designed by Nature to help us cope, to help us heal. Intrinsic mechanisms are built into our mood systems to help us accommodate difficulty.

"These coping mechanisms see to work against any of our contrived efforts to enhance our moods permanently. In other words, drugs, alcohol, rationalizations, pathological lying, profligate spending, as mood savers, cannot endure for long; more and more of whatever it is is needed, and addiction ensues.

"It is our nature to get used to what is difficult in our lives."

You can read the rest of his insightful essay here.

Despite weathering some of the worst bouts of self-loathing and self-doubt I've experienced so far, it seems moments of serenity and contentment do return - indeed, might well be hiding just around the corner.

For me, though, it's not just time that makes the difference as Noel suggests. Rather it is being meaningfully active.

No new ground broken here, but my Moon in Capricorn (under five degrees from my Sixth house cusp), my Virgo Ascendant, and my Aquarius Mars and Mercury (also in the Sixth) REALLY need to be busy - preferably working my a** off.

Fortunately for me, this evening was just such a night, wherein almost nine hours disappeared while I practised laying out articles using the InDesign publishing software for the newspaper at which I often proofread. The idea is I get trained up while working unpaid, in the hopes that I'll be in shape to cover sub-editor shifts whenever the latter are on holiday.

Well here's hoping, anyway.

Whether or not they hire me though, it felt so good walking home this evening after putting the paper to bed. Really, all I need is to keep ultra-busy if at all possible, and all will be fine.

Too bad Neptune and Chiron (and soon Jupiter) just turned retrograde in my Sixth.






The image above was taken from this site.

Abundance revisited, or Chiron-Jupiter-Neptune is like salt in the cosmic wound...

Haven't experienced this much pain in a long, long time. It's like tearing open a wound that had just scabbed and then pouring the contents of the salt cellar on it.

Holy crap! Lately it's been like bashing my head against one wall, only to find a new surface to practise spontaneous cranial omelette-making. All the old anxiety and self-loathing at not being 'normal' and not making money have just erupted like a particularly vicious flare-up of eczema or psoriasis.

I've been going round and round and round in circles, trying to do something about the no job-living at home situation. So far, there have been a few opps which I may or may not go for. But all almost guaranteed to send me around the bend with frustration. I kid you not. Uranus in Scorpio in the Third House, squaring Mars in Aquarius in the Sixth points to the independence-lovin', answer-to-none kind of 'employee' I am. Ha. What I am is a freelancer in denial!

But just so happens that this evening I realised that I'd been visualising abundance and money pouring in, when... I was actually in fairly good shape: debt free, still some savings left and, whatever else it may do for my self esteem, rent-free living at the parental units.

**Aries/Sagittarius/Capricorn/Scorpio/Tauruses are free to leave in disgust now**

So, I decided this evening to stop worrying about getting a 'real' job and moving out of the apartment. I realise that's not actually my first priority right now. Making use of the three summer months for completing the first draft of my feature-length screenplay and writing the kids' book I have in mind, are. That's what I'm going to give my focus and attention to.

Let whoever wishes to judge me for this lifestyle, do so. I try to judge noone (though I'm bad at not judging myself - Saturn separately squaring Venus and Pluto). Right now I'm in the position most artists dream of, so I'm going to hunker down and create.

Also, simplicity is the name of the game right now. Anything that is taking away from my focus has to be eliminated.

By the end of the summer, with my two projects completed, I'll make a dedoubled push for job and apartment-hunting. (Though hey, if the universe wants to send me some kind of paying opportunity that's related to writing/film/healing, bring it on).

The image above is from this site.