Occasionally, when the fear zombies strike, their fetid phantom breath filling the air and their invisible talons opening up wounds that only mostly heal, I get to thinking about my natal Cardinal T-square: Saturn in Cancer squaring an opposition of Venus in Aries and Pluto in Libra.
Can't say I'm overjoyed at this combo, but I've done enough reading on metaphysical topics to be open to the idea that I chose to incarnate with the potential this particular T-square symbolises.
So, just what does it indicate amid the unique cocktail of energies that help make me, me?
At the 'low vibrating' or 'negative' side of the scale, it can mean intense fear. Fear, fear, fear, and more fear. Obsessive, unshakeable, overpowering fear. Particularly as the intense passion-annihiliation-resurrection implied by the Pluto-Venus stand-off gets that extra edge of paranoia from boundary-lovin' Saturn's unhappy location in the sign of moody moon-child Cancer.
Basically, relationships are life and death to me - especially with a Seventh House Pisces Sun. I'm set up to 'merge' with a significant other - and such opportunities have indeed always been pretty all-or-nothing in their manifestation.
Also, as a card-carrying member of the Pluto in Libra generation, relationships are the realm of life where the deepest spiritual transformations are going to be taking place for me in this incarnation.
So, intimacy and relationships was always going to be somewhat chthonic in kind.
Now, when you factor in an opposition by Libra Pluto to passionate, me-centered Venus in Aries, things start to get very interesting. An obsessive need for the beloved manifests. One's own self-worth and confidence become as nothing in the face of hanging on to the (often provocative, inevitably Plutonian) beloved and avoiding rejection. One's desire for happiness and love regresses into a crude need to emotionally (and psychically) 'survive', being dependent on the good will (or lack thereof), attention and devotion of the love object. And without fail, my deepest love relationships have always had this dynamic at work.
And when you bring in a needy, dependent, security-driven Cancer Saturn to square Aries Venus (further undermining self-confidence and amplifying vulnerability), also forming the same difficult 90-degree-aspect to Libra Pluto (creating a near-pathological terror of letting go or undergoing change in the area of relationships), you end up with an individual who often self-sabotages or short-circuits, falling short of harnessing the mighty, initiating Cardinal power promised by this particular planetary trio.
What I am working on now - and I'd imagine it's to be a lifelong work in progress - is confronting that self-destructive dependency and insecurity by investing in self-mastery. Confronting the things that scare me to death while trying to do things that nurture my soul.
Perhaps if I, or, as is more likely, my beloved could "plutonify" (in the words of astrologer Steven Forrest) my natal Venus, then doing so might trigger "the emergence of unconscious or wounded material connected with [in this case, Venus], challenging it to grow and to implement the soul's healing intentions."
In other words, if I am open to the process, those sharing my inner-most thoughts and feelings could move me to burn up all the manipulativeness, self-destructiveness and lack of self-love that I express or experience, thereby transforming my relations with others and, more importantly, myself, into something harmonious, beautiful, transcendent.
Even more importantly, if I could overcome the need to be a timid, inept and incompetent child (Cancer Saturn squaring Aries Venus) and face head-on my feelings of despair and helplessness in the view of what seems to be the neverending threat of traumatic change (Cancer Saturn squaring Libra Pluto) I could put all of that initiating Cardinal energy into refining my interactions with family, friends and wider society (Cancer Saturn in the Eleventh), my values, relationships and reasoning (Libra Pluto in the Second) and other people's creative resources of material, spiritual or psychic kind (Aries Venus in the Eighth).
Interestingly enough, my beloved one's (Libra) Sun-Pluto conjunction falls exactly on the Lord of Death's position in my own natal chart, while also opposing my birth Venus.
In other words, the two of us have the potential either to become catalysts for initiating a new level of emotional and spiritual self-awareness both in each other and ourselves, or to end up embodying the very real, very deep-rooted fears of rejection, trauma and abandonment that haunt us both.
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