Hey guys, I'm back, as promised. Mercury finally went direct this eve, so I have no more excuse not to post. Plus, I missed my cyber audience way too much :)So, what have I been up to? Lots of intense personal stuff. Sessions with the new shrink aren't particularly easy. Not exactly a cake walk. And that's mostly because my ego always manages to sneak into the time spent with shrink lady behind my back. Once comfortably seated, it sort of yawns, stretches once or twice, then lazily flicks its non-existent wrist to crank up the frustration as the shrink proceeds to yank my chain.
No allowances for oh-so-sad personal narratives and no letting me spin out the latest angst or tale of doom or fury or self-hatred.
Nah. Not allowed. Shrink lady is there to leap into the fray, shut down the ego's rants by asking pointed (in criminal procedure they're called 'leading') questions about whether said rants denoted positive or negative thinking.
It's infuriating because, obviously, she's leading the session and I'm paying good money for her time so I don't want to waste it by not playing ball. But my ego hates it. Hates, hates, hates it. Really wants to bash away at her or, at least, fight back, using what it likes to remind me is my Superior Intellect. Because really, if we had met at some casual get-together or drinks or whatnot, says my ego, I'd have been eagerly trading views with her on Stuff (stuff esoteric, stuff psychological, stuff anthropological, stuff astrological, stuff theological and so on and so forth, ad infinitum ab nauseam, world without end, amen). And I'd have given as good as I got.
Now just to be perfectly clear: the shrink is not a heavy. I know I've made her sound like John Rambo in a dress, but she ain't - though given the over-active imagination, I profusely wish I hadn't gone there.
She is a very well-educated, obviously intelligent, experienced, strong and (unbelievably annoyingly positive) a person.
She has clients scheduled back-to-back, so she's obviously very competent. And, like I say, I suspect we'd get on if she weren't my shrink. But she is, and my ego hates how it loses whether or not I listen to her. If I pay heed to what's being said, the ego's manipulations, its strategies to keep me a victim and its steady flow of sabotaging self-doubt and anxiety get 86'd. If it doesn't listen and goes mano-a-mano with la shrinque, using intellectual snobbery (or just plain arrogance along the lines of "heard this all before baby, ain't yuh got nuthin' noo?") I waste my time and money.
Did I mention my ego hates this process? It hates it.
Nevertheless, I believe ma psychologue is worth the time, endurance, patience and the moolah. I believe she will help me get out of the negative rut I struggle to leave daily.
When my hackles haven't been rising at soul doc's modus operandi, I've been taking Teaching English as a Foreign Language (TEFL - the British equivalent of TESOL) classes in the evenings, initiating production for a play end of May (more on that in future posts) and signing up to learn the Munay-Ki rites from a local healer/shaman.
In other words, there's been plenty to keep me busy. I even have a job to apply for tomorrow.
As for that upcoming full moon.... I'm hopin' the Virgo lunar eclipse on Wednesday won't rain too much on my parade - to mix my metaphors thoroughly. I'll keep all 'o yous in the loop.
The illustration was modified after being taken from this site.
